Hugs and Handshakes

In the past I have been free and open about hugging people in greeting and in parting. Honestly I just want to share joy, love, and comfort with the world. In a business situation I have never declined a handshake. However, I now want to announce that I will no longer do the hugs and handshakes thing.

Why? Germs and Courtesy.

The germ thing is fairly easy to explain. Conventions are amazing pools of fandom, friends, and networking, but they are also the breeding ground of something we like to call Con-crud. The more conventions you attend, the more often you get a virus. Not the same virus every time, that’s not quite how they work, but different ones that pop up here and there from year to year in different strains, like the flu.

Now you might be one of those people who think that people should just ‘get over it’ and ‘live in the real world’ by allowing themselves to be exposed to sneezes and coughs but many of us can’t afford to get a virus. (Don’t get me started on how many rude people I’ve encountered who think it’s fine to shame people who are trying to avoid an avoidable illness. Or the kooks who believe the flu vaccine is a hoax.)

Many of us have compromised immune systems (like me) or we are elderly, or frail, or fighting cancer, or we have friends and family who must avoid viruses for the same reasons. Some of us are still recovering from the last virus. Some people just want to make sure they live healthy for another year.

In other words, just because you are privileged enough to have good health doesn’t mean every else has good health. And while I’m on this point I want to make something very clear: No one has a right to know what illness, handicap, or limitation you are dealing with unless it could affect them and their health. You can ask politely but don’t press the issue.

Then there’s the whole touching thing.

Too many people think a handshake should be firm. Or they use it to assert their strength. What if that person has arthritis? What if they have nerve damage? Same thing for hugs. People get too squeezy from time to time and creepers use it to mash up against women’s breasts. (See last week’s topic.) Many people just don’t like to be touched.

If you want to hug someone I suggest you ask politely first. I’ll be the first to admit that I have hugged many people who did not want be to hugged but I didn’t notice until someone else pointed it out. My bad.

Some celebrities, like Wil Wheaton, have traded in the hugs and handshakes for a polite bow with the arms crossed across the chest. I intend to do the same at conventions but will gently decline the H&H in all other situations except for close friends and family. Or maybe I’ll just flash the peace sign, perhaps do fistbumps?

I may even have a button made up that says, No hugs or handshakes please.